Bad bad day today.
I had to run the art guild on my own. Bean HAD to go to school.

While at the guild, school calls. Bean is freaking out about screaming voices she hears that are scaring her and the 6 foot shadow is back at school following her. She is crying, I cant leave the shop, I had to call her worker who had to drive 45 minutes to get her and drive another 30 minutes to bring her to the shop to be with me. My poor baby! Psychotic on clozaril???? Does this happen????

Called pdoc and actually got to talk with him. Titrating off clozaril immediately. So. She will become more psychotic as she comes off it. 6 days to come off it.
I will give her added zyprexa prn as.I expect symptoms to get worse but NO HOSPITAL! Not doing that again.

She will be out of school again indefinately.

She is not doing well tonight and because of some issues here at home, she does not feel safe. I assured her she is safe with me and I wont let anything happen to her.

My poor baby. Everything needs to stop. Too much stress. I cant take this.

I will say though, this experience is making me a stronger woman. I will not put up with things that I used to and I will speak my mind. No more BS. I will not be manipulated any more.

Those days are done so at least something good is coming out of all this.
I have no urge to waste my energy on manipulation.
Praying helps.....makes me strong.

Okay...Im rambling.

punky