Hi nowheretohide, and lone soildier,

We ALL share the pain, babe. It's a struggle and a fight for survival on a daily basis. I hate, hate being controlled by other people (docs and such) that think they know more about my illness than I do.

Sometimes I want to fly away so badly-just feel the sweet freedom of not feeling everything TOO much, all the time. But my angel kitten boy would not be loved and protected and that is my responsibility.

I hate that it's stolen so many years and relationships from my life. I hate the anger and the rage that always seems to be simmering just below the surface. I hate it that my 'family' all turned their back on me. I hate it that I didn't get the education I deserved. And that until I went on meds, I could not muster the ambition and focus it takes to write a book.

I hate it that my husband isolated me and left me without any insurance.
And I feel so guilty that I'm glad he's not here to judge me on a daily basis and abuse me in every way when he was drunk. I feel such sorrow that I have no friends in my life. If I died tomorrow I don't think anyone would notice.

I hate it that my mouth is so dry all the time from the meds and that I have packed on the pounds because of certain meds.

OK, enough venting. But thank you lone soildier-it was theraputic. I might come back and do some more!