Hellion I am sorry that you are having a tough time, its really hard finding balance with this PTSD and still wanting to live a meaningful life, especially if you have to live in an environment at home that has so much drama and tension. It can't be easy.

I wanted to share something with you, and that is that I became addicted to alcohol about 6 years ago and have been abstinent now for over 3 years. I was using drinking to cover up how hard things were, I was self medicating to try to make what I was experiencing because of depression and complex PTSD go away, to feel better. IT DID NOT WORK. I did not get better, I got a lot worse and was suicidal for a long time. This is the message I want to give you...... that is.....once I stopped, and only then was I able to start to work on the real underlying issues and work towards healing. LOL it's a work in progress as you can tell from my posts.

But I wanted to let you know that maybe you are right, maybe sometimes you drink too much (not saying at all that you are addicted like I was, ok ) and maybe that is something you could change to work towards feeling less overwhelmed. It really does magnify the negative feelings. At least in my experience.

Take good care Hellion and be kind to yourself ok?