Thanks for your perspective Djinn, and no - you don't seem like an asshole.

Episodes like the one I described in my OP happen once a month or even rarer. The rest of the time, I do my best to be helpful and supportive. I actually keep track of our fights and how often they're triggered by my episodes vs. how often he just blatantly doesn't give a *****. More often than not, when we fight it's because of the latter. I can rarely count on him - for anything.

I do all the work outside the house and most of it inside (laundry, dishes, vacuuming etc.) while he does whatever he feels like - all day, every day. I feel like an enabler and a surrogate mum rather than the woman who'll one day be this man's wife. I do NOT want to be babied or cared for like a sick person; what I want is to know I can count on him in moments of crisis, that and nothing more. The rest of the time I'm fine. He actively refuses to educate himself on how to help me in such times OR help himself for his own problems, which I have tried and failed to assist with. I was met with indifference at best, aggression at worst, and threats to leave if I insisted that for eg. he needs therapy (which he absolutely does).

( Edit: Oh yeah, and the one time I actually cut off our Internet to get him off a 14-hour online gaming spree he actually was this close to turning violent. )

I don't know, maybe I'm being obtuse. Our situation and yours seems quite different, but then again I only know what it's like to be me, not what it's like to live with me. I intend to give him space for now, we both need it. But if he can't be supportive at all - and he's not, because every time I've needed him he bailed - I don't know if I can keep this up. And I promise you, I'm just as "used up" mentally, emotionally and financially as he is. Maybe even more.