Sorry for not getting back earlier. I think for me at this point in my sobriety I could not be with someone who was actively using. I would not get involved in the first place.

But if I were in your situation I would probably cut it loose as hard as it would be and pray for that person that they get the help they need. I don't know if I could be involved in helping them get help. If I were in love and chose to cut it lose I would have to stay out of their lives for six months to a year to get over the grief and my issues around it.

I may also give them a chance to really get help and get clean and sober. It would be their choice. I would have to keep my distance and see how they really did. It would have to be real. After getting clean and sober they would have to be involved in continued recovery and willing to really work on the relationship and helping each other heal. It can be done with two willing people. That would be ideal for you. But it totally depends on her and you have no control so it is very hard.

Could I forgive the cheating? I probably could. I am very forgiving and people do all kinds on things in this disease. I would have to see a profound change in behavior over a reasonable period of time in order to stay.

I still believe taking care of yourself and your sobriety is most important.