I don't know if you are aware, but alcohol only serves to worsen depression ... If there's any way you can stop drinking it, that would be a good first step ... The second step would be to find you a therapist that works on a sliding scale.

This is not something you are going to be able to sort out on your own, and if you can just take those first two steps (which I know seem gigantic right now) you'll be well on your way to figuring stuff out so you can feel better.