ok i dont know if i ve ever mentioned this but i have a sister who is 16months older than me and she was diagnosed as bipolar a few years ago. well when i was home recently we were talking and she really opened up to me for the first time in a LONG time. she told me ho wmuch she is struggling right now. she said she went to the ER one night and cried there for 6 hours trying to get them to give her abilify because thats what worked before but she doesnt consistently take her meds. they wouldnt give it to her but she saw a psychiatrist today and tried to get abilify but her insurance wouldnt cover it all the way. anyway she got a free 30 day supply. she told me she thinks the government spys on her phone. and she is losing all her friends. im so worried about her. her boyfriend committed suicide a couple years ago. im worried that she will do the same.

i texted T and told him how worried and scared i am. he said maybe i can use that to empathize with how he feels sometimes about me. its really interesting to be on the other side of that issue. to fear for someones life that u are close to. now i feel bad for all thsoe times i made T worry and get scared. but its a motivator for me. why does T have to be so deep. i guess thats his job. but he really makes me think sometimes.