I registered here so I can type out what I'm struggling with, since I'm too ashamed to tell anyone I know.

I daydream. I've been daydreaming since about 15 years old, and I'm in university now. I can daydream while laying down or walking, but my favourite way is by rocking back and forth on a couch or comfy chair while listening to my iPOD. I choose music that corresponds with what I'm daydreaming about.

The content bothers me. Since 15, I have created various fantasy worlds in which I'm the "hero" character. She is great looking, smart, but with a troubled past and present. My daydreams always turn sexual. Either regarding her past of being sexually abused, or the present and struggling with a sexual abuser. Sometimes she faces a murderer, but usually sexual crimes.

My story always switches between my character handling the trauma strongly, and breaking down completely. There is no in-between.

I do not get turned on by these fantasies, but I enjoy them and get involved in the story. I have a particular interest in serial killers, rapists, pedophiles, and that general area.

I am worried primarily because I think I'm a horrible person for being able to think of this stuff AND enjoying the stories. I'm also concerned because daydreaming takes up lots of my time.

I have a diagnosis of OCD and Bipolar Disorder. I daydream more when I'm depressed, and I'm currently going through a depressive episode right now. I have been daydreaming more than ever, and I should be working on papers.

I'm really scared. I'm afraid of even posting it here because of what people will think...I've never told anyone. But I need input.