I'm at a point where I just don't know what to do. I feel so lethargic and when people ask me how I'm doing, all I can manage is to shrug my shoulders. People are trying to help but I really don't think they can. I can't face the world anymore. I don't want to see anymore of it because every time I see it, it's more disgusting and horrible than before. And what's worse, it's making me into something I've never been before. I've been very mellow my whole life. I usually keep to myself and am pretty content. Lately, though, I find I've been far more aggressive. I can't help myself but to scream and insult and tear down people for the most insignificant of things and everything feels like such a huge offense to me. I don't feel in the wrong about all of it but I feel like I used to handle it so much better. I haven't really left the house in so long except for late at night when no one's out and I even do that less than I used to.

I feel completely disrespected and insulted by everyone. I ask people for help but then my concerns just die out to the background noise. I go out in public and I hear people laughing and it feels like they're laughing at me and I hate them for it. I don't want people to be happy and I know it's because I'm not, nor have I ever been but I still feel awful about it. I've been finding signs and things that I know to be irrational but I can't help but feel compelled to notice certain things. Like the universe has been trying to send me messages.

I've just broken off contact with everyone at this point and completely separated from the world all except for this place. And I feel like I may be quitting Psych Central soon enough. Either the people here really think of me as poorly as I think they do or it's all in my head but regardless no one takes this seriously. I'm tired of being belittled and insulted for believing the things I believe and thinking the things I can't help but think. I'm tired of people expecting me to throw away my life for them so that they can get by and not even thinking twice about me. I'm tired of being downright insulted on here.

I guess I've been noticing signs that I don't really want to talk about here because I'm really not sure I want people to know anymore, knowing what they'll think. I'm just kind of considering this my final call for help. I don't know what I expect to get out of it but I am slowly retreating into myself and when I'm left alone with myself and the horrible thoughts that have been racing through my mind, I'm just not sure how I'll handle it.

Sorry for the rant but I've got nowhere and no one else to turn to.