This make sense to anyone?

I have literally no friends, have no activities, and do nothing but surf the web and sleep. I'm smart enough to know the basic depression stuff of "Get out for a walk, eat healthy, get with people" and all that....... and I ACTIVELY choose not to.

I haven't bathed or changed my clothes in over a week. When I think "at least take a shower, clean up and shave", a voice in head (not a real voice, a thought) screams "I will NOT, you can't make me!"

I have no money or insurance for a doctors help, I guess I'm looking for empathy, and anything that could jump start my life again.

I'm actively CHOOSING to NOT help myself. Huh???????????????????

(LOL, even the sad smiley with the question mark doesn't work in explaining my mood.... cause I don't feel sad. And numb is not even the right word. It's like "Oh, well if you don't do anything about this, it's going to turn into a serious health danger."

"Oh, OK" I think. I mean if I had a heart attack, I'd react "Don't call a doctor, I don't want the hassle."