I am working as an engineer for an electrical contractor. I came to the company as an apprentice, moved up to technician, then signed on with the company and took a role as an engineer. Shortly after my job started it evolved into project management. I mainly manage a health care system here in town installing data cabling for 5 major campuses and all of the out-lying clinics and 3 rural hospitals. After 3 years of working as a PM for this particular customer, I have come to the conclusion that this customer is enough for me to handle. On top of this I am still responsible for being the expert on security systems, access control systems, sound masking systems, and any other special systems the other PMs don't know much about.

Contributing factor 1: My boss is hard to get decisions out of. Decisions that directly affect the company's performance. When he does make a decision it's usually a quick decision based on very little information or what I view as bad information from hearsay or someone that I do not view as an expert in the field. I see it as I am the person that should be researching products, talking to people and providing him with truthful information and my opinion based on my past experience in the field. I feel I am not able to get him this information because I am too preoccupied with this healthcare provider and meeting their demands.

Contributing factor 2: The other people in my office are not experts in the special systems field. I feel I am there to provide them with guidance and assist with making decisions with budgeting, recommendations, and best practices. When I provide them with advice, I am usually responsible for the advice given. I am having trouble in coping with the situations where I make a recommendation without having the entire story. For example, someone will come into my office and say something like "How much does a on a door card reader cost"? This triggers a million questions in my brain that I would have to have the answers in order to definitely answer their question. Say you relate this to a car dealership... A customer walks in the door and says "I want to buy a car" and this person as never driven or bought a car before. The car salesman would have to educate the customer on things like air conditioning, power brakes, power steering, that you need to do regular oil changes, etc. The person is basically saying to me "I don't care, I just want a car. How much does a car cost"? This is mostly because this person is busy and needs to move on. So I end up throwing out a number. My problem is whether that number is right or wrong, I am expected to assume the responsibility for the number I gave even though it was based on bad information. Compounding the issue is what I described above: No time to be the expert I want to be.

Contributing factor 3: I have no previous project management experience. I was thrown in the fire and I am just learning as I go. It's like walking around a dark room and trying to find the exit but the walls have random spikes on them. Every once and a while I hit a spike and it hurts like hell. The spikes are also continually moving. I also feel like I'm trying to learn a piece of computer code and sometimes when I come to a decision point, past experience puts me in a decision loop that I can’t get out of. Like “I did this last time and I got the spike, if I go this way I know I’ll hit a spike” I just don’t know how to get out without hitting a spike.

This stress has caused me to increase drinking, be constantly tense, be incredibly tired, not sleep well or at all, lose interest in talking to people, road rage, be upset with society, be upset with people in the supermarket for being in the way, be too concerned with other people just in general, become paranoid, not speaking with or being frustrated with family issues, lower sex drive, and just plain not enjoy life. One positive is that I did quit using tobacco.

I’m begging someone to please give me some direction on something… anything I can do or what this is and how to deal with it. I ask people for advice all the time but I never get any solid advice, just “you gotta deal with it man”. Thanks.