You definitely aren't alone. Sometimes I'm a TERRIBLE person and I struggle to undo damage I've done to relationships. Its hard to explain to people that I really can't help it sometimes and that I am truly sorry for my behavior. I have no idea why my husband hasn't left me after all the times I exploded at him over stupid petty little crap. My pdoc has told me time and again to take an Ativan the moment I start feeling irritable to prevent going into a black rage. I try to control it but its hard. The Ativan does help me stay calm when I take it. Going for a brisk walk or any other exercise away from people helps too.