And I was thinking maybe i didn't actually end up hitting submit when I typed that rant. But yeah this past week has been kind of stupid....I also don't really flirt per say, but sometimes I find it fairly easy to talk to guys who are older than me not that i am intrested in taking things to any intimate level per say.

My mom can be overprotective, but I have been getting carried away with drinking...sort of came to that realization last night I mean yeah I want to be living life...but I don't want to go and be dumb, drink too much and end up thinking to myself 'wow I am lucky something much worse didn't happen' when I go out drink too much and act stupid. So that is the substance I've been having the issue with....the cannabis is helpful to me and has never added to my problems, not just saying that my close family agrees and I've had some therapists/medical professionals/an autism advocate type person I met once acknowledge it can help some people and understand it helps me.

But yeah was still rather tipsy when I posted this and so some of it probably doesn't make a ton of sense. I guess sometimes I feel like everyone must dislike me when I mess up or whatever so I get ideas like 'well people here must dislike me because of my username' but no I don't really feel anyone has really been rude or judgemental about it and I don't feel disliked per say...or at least I know that was more in my head then an actual reality. Long story short though I gotta make a serious effort not to abuse alcohol anymore via trying to self medicate when I'm angry/upset or self destructively depressed.