It doesn't sound to me like you are actively choosing not to help yourself at all...sounds like you're depression is so bad you can't be bothered to do anything and are experiencing apathy. At least that is the impression I get from your post.

Do you have any family or anyone that helps you out with money at all? if so maybe try and get their help otherwise you could look into places with low cost services also maybe look into applying for medicaid though not sure how long that takes if you have little to no income I'd think you'd be approved and that would help give you access to afford treatment.

For the time being try to take care of yourself as best you can, and if it escalates and you feel like causing yourself harm going to the ER might be an option and would get you help...and sometimes they help people with finding resources or applying for medicaid and what not for continuing treatment after being impatient but only do that if you need to but yeah they can't refuse to help if you go to the ER and have no money or insurance but then there is the chance of bills and being somewhat in debt which can be a real hassle. I have unpaid medical bills from my last trip to the psych ward that I cannot afford to pay...more or less got debt collecters to leave me alone at least for a while now if I can wait it out 6 years I think the debt gets erased.