I've been married to the same guy for 20 yrs this yr. it's taken a long to time get comfortable w/sex & my body. Now I'm in my 40's & feel like my sexual self is exploding.
We've had a good sex life. It's always gotten better & the past few yrs have been great bec he really understands how to satisfy me. My orgasms have been off the charts! But I feel there's more there to be explored. He, on the other hand, has gotten a lot faster & less into exploring. The actual sex part is less then 10min & I get very frustrated by it. I don't tell him bec I don't wanto hurt him.

For the past couple of yrs I've tried to bring more excitement to the bedroom. I'd like to explore BDSM w/him & have asked him to do a couple of small things like pull my hair, get Into a bit of bondage & he has done it half heartedly. I bought him a book on being a good dom & highlighted something's I'd like to try, but he gets embarrassed over it. He also knows I'm a sexual abuse survivor & worries he will trigger me.
I've talked to him at length about this & explained that if I was triggered I'd ask him to stop. Also that this is very different bec I have a say in it & have more control. It's something I like & would like more of it.
I feel like I'm finally finding myself sexually.

Still we do the same stuff. I'm frustrated & my sexual fantasies are raging. I've been told to give him time to get into a little bit of BDSM but he doesn't really seem interested.

I have very little in my life that makes me happy. Have terrible problems w/ depression,PTSD & DID. Sex is an outlet for me. I'd like to have it every night if I could. He'd rather watch the NHL playoffs.
Bec I'm married, am I supposed to just put up & shut up? I feel like I've been patient & have asked for small changes that he's not really willing to bother with. Will it just always be vanilla? I'm terribly sexually frustrated & sometimes feel there must be something wrong w/ me. Maybe I'm asking for too much? Maybe sex just isn't as important to him. Maybe I think about sex too much. I've honestly thought of going outside of my marriage for satisfaction, but know that'll just cause more problems than what the sex is worth.
Any ideas?
Thanks.

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