Quote:
Originally Posted by ace333
me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 6 years. most of our relationship is great other than the problems here and there but who doesn't have problems in their relationships. im writting this because i want a little advise on the ways i have been feeling lately....like i said we have been together almost 6 years, hes thirty and im 25. lately i feel like im being left out not just in his life but us together as a couple. i know im only 25 and im younger than he is and all his friends, but lately all his friends have been getting married and having kids. we both agree we don't want kids but im feeling left out in the fact that he and i aren't thinking of marriage in anyway. sometimes it really bothers me and i don't think he loves me enough or he would have asked by now, (its been almost 6 years what are you waiting for mentaility kicks in) but i never bring it up to him or push him towards asking, i want it solely to come from him. and unfortunately hes a major flip flopper in anything in life, there have been days he will say things about what our wedding would be like or what he wants to do for it, then theres days where he says weddings are stupid and waste of time and money....so which am i supposed to believe....i understand im only 25 which is still young and i myself am in no rush to get married but some kind affirmation that its a possibility in the future would be nice. i find myself going with him to all of his friends weddings and feeling left out and sad that its never going to happen with us...is this wrong or selfish?
its not just that issue thats leaving me feeling left out, lately hes been pushing me more to the side for social media, his friends, and just generally lacking in the affections department. i ask him if somethings wrong and most of the time he says he just in his own little world...but again im feeling left out of the relationship for not getting the positive affection i need from him, and im not asking alot, a kiss or hug here or there to actually listen to me when im talking. he'll say that we have been together for so long people just kind of get used to one another i should just know things are fine and he doesn't need to do all these things anymore....but i don't want things to be like that i want to feel im loved not just told......so again my question is should i be feeling left out or is this just me being selfish and craving to much attention and affection from him?
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first of all i will say this, you don't want to rush into marriage.marriage is a serious commitment that most people nowadays take way to lightly. the fact that he has mentioned it from time to time is a very positive step..when and if you guys get married you want it to work and not get married for the wrong reasons. you should get married after and only after you know that..
1) communication between the two of you is excellent and not combative
2) you have plenty in common and you genuinely enjoy spending a lot of time together
3) you have been through several crises and instead of working against each other you came through them as a team.
4) you are sexually compatible and enjoy making love to each other whenever either partner desires
5) you are affectionate and loving to each other and meet each other's needs in that area
6) financially you are capable of getting married and the costs involved and in agreement on what type of wedding you will have.
7) there are no major outside factors that could negatively affect your union left unresolved..i.e family members and relations with them, friends and relations with them.
8) you are on the same page when it comes to the subject of money.
as you look through this forum you will see it is littered with examples of what can happen and what does happen when a marriage goes south, i strongly urge you to read through these examples. like a relationship a marriage requires a lot of work and commitment...too few people realize when you get married it is no longer about just "you"..me becomes "we". for too many people the importance of this statement does not translate.
i get the opinion he is taking the mature approach to the subject..letting you know he is interested, but not rushing into it..you would be wise to follow his lead on this.
already i see problems in your relationship now.
any thought of marriage should be put on hold until these issues are resolved.
your emotional and affectionary needs are not being met..this is a problem already which will only intensify after you say " i do". you don't want "i do" to turn into "i don't". you are still very young and you have your whole life ahead of you there is no rush to get married..when you do it you want to do it right.
whether his friends are getting married or not should have no bearing on your situation...if they were all getting divorced would you want to be in that boat too? i think not.
worry about your relationship and you guys' happiness, what others are doing is irrelevant in your life, too many people get married because their friends are, or they had a child, or they are 20, or 25, or 30..these are silly reasons to get married.
ask yourself this question...if things stay the way they are in your relationship, would you be content to have it remain that way for the rest of your life? if not..marriage should be off the table until you are satisfied.
i sincerely hope you consider my advice.
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
