I am 24 years old and I have known that I am gay since I was 13 or 14. I was sexually abused at the age of 10 years old by a neighborhood boy that was 16 and then again at 13 by another person.

Fast forward to when I was 19 and confused about who I wanted to be. Should I live a homosexual life or should I buckle and try to live a heterosexual life. Well I met a girl that I like, not necessarily loved but we had a great friendship, we had intercourse once and it was alright. We would talk all the time on the phone or text, one time I admitted to her that I use to be gay and that I still find men attractive. She was absolutely fine with this, later down the road a few months I told her about the sexual abuse, again she was there for me and everything.

I have read that sometime when a person is sexually abused they begin to suppress their feelings for the same-sex if that is what they were into, and they try to live a life with the opposite sex which doesn't make them truly happy.

Currently we have 2 kids and for awhile we were having no sex at all really maybe every other week. Well we started having sex again and she uses a strap-on to please me but it makes her sad that I get more pleasure from that than just straight sex between us. There are also times when having sex that I have to play "movies" in my head.

What should I do? I don't want to live a lie anymore, but I don't want her to suffer and then find out a few more years down the road how I truly feel.