I'm going through somewhat the same thing. I know I should do a lot of things to get better. I sometimes try, but it seems like it isn't leading anywhere.

Today, I'm angry at myself. I really hate this depression. I used to have medicaid when I was in another state, but the state I am don't provide it for my age. So there is no way for me to get help now and so I am trying very hard to do it myself. The person and family who took me in (because I had no money and job), I'm afraid that I'm a burden to them.

My debt is bad too. I have already accepted that the debt was mine to the collector yesterday.

I can't believe how much this have ruined my life. And I can't seem to see a way out.

I'm hoping that being in this forum would help me out. I know that it's my action to do it, but I can't seem to be doing the actions. I know better but just won't do it.

I'm very afraid...of what may happen.