Want2want, there's a difference between knowing something intellectually, and truly believing it. Also, maybe it's not a good idea to compare yourself to your brother. Not everyone with depression is the same, and those who have it, have it with various degrees of severity.

I agree with zinco that it may help to find a place that will accept payment on a sliding scale. I did this with MH/MR about 17 years ago when I wasn't working, and I didn't have to pay anything.

Please do not feel bad. Easier said than done, I know. I've been working on thought replacement, and the reoccurring thoughts that I have are guilty feelings about taking care of myself and setting boundaries, plus what I "should" and "shouldn't" do. One step at a time. I felt victorious when I shaved my legs after how long. Best of luck to you, and you are among people who understand.