What TrueMe said.

I can't tell you how many times my oldest stepson nearly took a swing at me and how many times I nearly walked out because of his behavior. (He also has severe ADHD.) This all changed one night when he was 14. I don't even remember what the fight was about... using his mom's credit card to buy something off E-bay, I think. Anyway, his mother jumped in and said "I can't take this anymore. One more argument and one of you will have to leave, and it won't matter who's right or wrong, I can't throw my son out."

After he slammed his bedroom door in my face, I gave him a few minutes, then knocked on his door and told him to come to the kitchen where we would sit down and talk like adults. I told him that, firstly, I wasn't going anywhere. We were going settle whatever came up, because that's what families do. But his mom was right; the fighting had to stop. Secondly, there were still going to be arguments, but instead of letting things escalate or yelling, when he got too upset he could just say "break" or "timeout" and go to his room for ten minutes before sitting down at the kitchen table and talking about things rationally just like we were doing then. And, finally, that he had to understand and respect the fact that I was an adult and a man and all the crap he was dealing with and going to be dealing with in the next few years I had already had to deal with before he was even born. That didn't necessarily mean that I always knew better or had the upper hand in any disagreement, but it did mean that when I told him he should do something he didn't want to or not do something he did want to, it was because I had been there before and was trying to keep him from getting hurt or in trouble or making a mistake he'd regret down the line. That meant that he could also ask me about anything-- from the reason behind the rules his mom and I made to girls to how to fix a situation if he had already screwed up. Anyway, we talked, we came to an agreement and shook hands on it, we hugged-- which, between his OCD and my Asperger's, was really awkward for both of us.

The thing is, raising teenagers is a constant power struggle. They are trying to assert their authority in order to claim their adulthood. And who can blame them? Because they're still kids and don't have adult responsibilities like utility bills and health insurance, they have disposable income which means popular culture caters to them, reinforcing their sense of entitlement. They are also having to make adult decisions like where to go to college and what kind of career they're going to pursue, and they're expected to make these decisions with no adult experience whatsoever and no concept of time-- every decision they make is, in their minds, for-the-rest-of-their-lives! So they have all these Big Important choices to make and all these Big Important burdens and stress and no one understands them so why do you still treat me like a kid but expect me to act like an adult?! It's not fair!

So, really, what's the harm in giving them a little power? Let them shoulder some of the stress. Do just like you did when they were learning how to walk: let them go but be there to pick them up when they need picked up, tell them to pick themselves up when they need to pick themselves up, and knock them down when they need knocked down.