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Originally Posted by soccerdad
All due respect but the ultra conservative views expressed here are what lead to unhappy marriages. I am not thinking with my "****" as you put it. The sex my wife and I have is great. There is absolutely no problem there. The problems occur out of the bedroom and that is where I need help deciding what is right. The assumptions you make are quite telling. I want to be able to have long intimate conversations, feel excited to have alone time together and to just be generally happy to be with someone. I don't have that right now. As for my kids, they will be affected by either decision I make and either one is not going to affect them more negatively than the other. If I stay with my wife and just become a sad dis-engaged person how is that better than separating and being a happy engaged father?
Not all the worlds answers are found in a bible and not all people who cheat do it because they are terrible people. I get that because I am a man it looks worse but there isn't really much I can do about that is there.
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You seem like a very sensible man, in many ways, if you ask me. I say, figure out what works for you, what you can live with (or without, as the case may be), what's the worse that could happen—lay that out for all the possibilities. Communicate. You owe her that... you owe yourself that, too. Whatever the outcome you'll want to look back w/o regrets over your integrity. Say what's on your mind... w/o blame, w/o shame. AND... listen. Listen w/o judgement, defensiveness or dismissal. Then listen to your heart.
That's what I'd do, anyway.
Quote:
Originally Posted by soccerdad
We have tried counselling multiple times. I continually ask her what I can do to make things better and I try to follow her wishes as best I can (loving random texts, saying I love you, making time for "date nights" etc.) but she really doesn't follow up when I ask her to do things. You are right about one thing though. I have about exhausted the advice in this thread. Thank you everybody for your input. It has helped me see things from a different vantage point.
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If it feels like you've exhausted all of your options and nothing gets better, then... maybe you've exhausted all of your options, except for the option to move on. Best to you.