I feel for you on that one . I have had suicidal thoughts before, but never really been tempted like that before though. I did have something similar once though, when I thought I was going to die after an accident one day, but was disappointed for a moment when I realised I didn't. That frightened me, because at that point I had no depression or anything, the feeling came totally out of the blue. It's only after that which I realised there must have been years of emotional pain hidden in me somewhere that never had the chance to come out and I was getting a first glimpse of what was really going on inside me. A year later though, I developed major depression after some events in my life, and now I have suicidal thoughts regularly.