I realy wanted to be more suportive here in the foruns. But I think it's because a little bit selfish reason.
I don't have many people around me, friends. I'm realy tired because nobody seems to realy like me, and it makes me sad. It makes me realize that is something wrong about my personality. I'm not a mean person, I think I'm nice with everyone, but being nice isn't enough. I don't talk a lot, I'm not naturaly funny most of the time, I barely talk seriously (just being ironic and making jokes that few people seems to like). And I don't get attached to people, it's not my fault, it doesn't mean I don't like them, but it is also my fault.
In these past days it seems that unintencionaly I made people not care about me, hate me. There are this academic activities in my country. It's a all week without classes and a lot of parties and events. Some of them are dedicated to the ones that finish their graduations this year, and that includes a sort of a lunch/dinner that the young students have to prepare. The fact is that I didn't help in anything and I went there to eat, some people from my year became upset with me.
I was not comfortable being there, I didn't want to be there, but my roommates finish the graduaction this year, so I went there with them. And I don't feel very comfortable to be there with those people of my year... :S
I get used to go to the other academic activities with my sister and her friends, because I had no one to go with me. My classmates never ask me to go with them or simply they don't care to much about the activities and they don't go. This year they went, some knew I was going to, no one asked me to go with them...and in the end I got to know that many of them went and they were all together, while I was hanging almost alone with my sister. When I go out with her I always find myself in the second plane. It's she and her friends, and sometimes I have the opportunity to join the conversations. But for instance when we are walking in groups side by side. I always have to move from one side to the other, otherway I would be in the back of the line or out the circles, when they are stand, what happens a lot.
What's wrong with me, why? It hurts, but I know if I make myself take the first step more often it will be at least a little bit different, because people forget who isn't normaly there.
I don't want to be forgoten here as either, I want to be an important part, but I guess it hapens too.