Hello RF.
Being a victim of ANY abusive action is very confusing and hurtful and harmful in many areas of life. I sincerely hope that you try to keep your physical and mental health safe during this time, and talk to your therapist about how you are feeling at this time. Trying to figure out everything on your own is not necessary let the professionals help you at this time so you can feel less overwhelmed. I hope you feel better soon. Soidhonia