I hope you didn't cut (or any other kind of SH).....

Cutting will not fix any of your issues. It will simply add another issue to your pile of stuff. You need to find something that makes you feel a little bit more in control of your world and maybe gives you some positive feelings about yourself.

Maybe some volunteering. Maybe simply smiling at a stranger. Maybe exercise. I can not say what will work for you - (no offense) but I hope you do not join our bizarre club.