What are you afraid of?

For me, I'm not at all afraid of being dead, if that's what you meant.

I've been trying to logic something through, and I'll do it here, in case it fits for anyone else.

Problem: I am not happy with the way I live now.

There are only 3 possible solutions that I can see:

1) Not live.
2) Change the way I live now.
3) Change how I feel about the way I live now.

OK. Since I would prefer to be happy with the way I live, over NOT living, #1 is not a choice without trying #2, and #3. If #1, then the I can't even TRY the others.

So that leaves:

2) Change the way I live now.
3) Change how I feel about the way I live now.

If I say "I can't change the way I live", is that REALLY true? If it is, then my ONLY solution is to try #3.

For me, I know I can TRY #2. I can at least TRY to change the way I live. For me, do I really accept that I am incapable of taking a 10 minute walk, instead of surfing the web for those 10 minutes? I'm tricking myself to make a change so big it seems overwhelming. And I'm lying to myself if I say I CAN'T make ANY change, no matter what size.

And ANY change, no matter the size, is A CHANGE, so I CAN do #2.

If I CHOOSE not to change how I live now, I am left with #3, changing how I FEEL about the way I live now.

For me, changing how I FEEL about living the way I do, would mean accepting it.... accepting that I CHOOSE to not at least TRY to change HOW I live.

I'm saying FOR ME, remember.

That's basically where I am right now. I need to make a choice.

I can CHOOSE to TRY and change how I live (no matter how really small the change is, a change is a change)...... or I can CHOOSE to accept that I chose not to try.

That's why I can't say "I can't", because for me, "I can't" is a lie. "I'm too tired, it's overwhelming, I'm bored" can all be true.... but none of them equal "I can't".

Am I physically capable of taking a ten minute walk? Yes.

So if I don't, it's because I'm choosing not to.

That's how it is FOR ME.