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May 09, 2014, 09:17 AM
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Member Since: May 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 6
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Heyyy there  I'm new to Psych Central and I've never used a forum before o_o so...yep. Hi everybody ^________^ 
How do you experience dissociation and paranoia? I'm supposing it's different for every Borderline patient.
For me, when I dissociate it's sometimes completely random but usually when I look at a person (especially myself in the mirror) for a few moments. Suddenly everything looks off..it's like you're in a totally different state of mind. I try to bring myself back by focussing on the details of whatever it is...like the facial features but that usually makes it seem/look weirder. Sometimes it's feeling disconnected to my body, like when I'm writing and looking at my hand I suddenly feel like I'm not controlling it. It's very scary and I always thought it was something that happened to everyone.
Paranoia......
Whenever I hear laughter I always think that people are laughing at me. When someone looks at me I always feel that they're giving me a menacing/judgemental look or are giving me dirts. When people talk to me I over assess the things they say, their tone when they're speaking, body language and I always come to the conclusion that they were being hostile.
On the more extreme end, I sometimes have had thoughts that my family were plotting against me, planning to do something horrible to me whenever I was away from them or in my room asleep. Nowadays I always feel like I'm being watched by my family. Sometimes I have a little check around in my room after school - in corners or in the cupboard/wardrobe/shelves in case my mum put a camera there and was filming me or maybe they bought bugs and bugged my room. It's a possibility and that's why my mind can't rule it out! It's never been an issue - just a quick check and I feel some relief. However, I now know none of these things are normal.
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