My mental illness is extremely debilitating when it kicks in. Meds have not been super effective for me. Sometimes they work. Sometimes they kinda work. Sometimes not at all. The ones that have worked always quit working. Overall I believe they have helped me or I would not have stuck with them. Meds are just one part of the many things I have done to treat my depression.

Up until two years ago my whole life I was able to maintain a good job. But that was about all. Depression has had a profound effect on my ability to be a good father to my daughter. When she was little I often parked her in front of a video and anything on TV so I could sleep. She wanted my attention and to play with me and I often would do whatever I could to get rid of her so to speak. That sounds horrible but it is true. There were neighbors with a kid her age and I would always try to get her to go over there and play. I don't have a lot of guilt anymore about it because she is 21 and we are very very close. I have been honest with her about my alcoholism/addiction depression and recovery. I got sober when she was three and for that I am grateful. The thing is after I had a couple of years sober my depression got really bad even though I was on meds. For many years I carried huge guilt over my lack of being available to my daughter in so many ways.

I just finished doing a thorough work history for my social security disability appeal and I got to see how much depression effected my employment over the years. I started working when I was 12 but I started from when I was 20 and first went to a plumbing company. From 20 to 30 I was using drugs and alcohol and they actually worked. I was able to do good at work and cope with life pretty good. 30 to 32 it went down hill fast and I lost my twelve year job. Then I lost another job real quick. My marriage was in disaster mode. This is when I got clean and sober. Alcoholism/addiction and depression are all a part of the same mixed up illness for me.

Even though I was on meds my depression got much much worse after I got clean and sober. The only reason I was able to hold onto the same job for ten years is that the owner and my boss and good friends put up with me missing one month at a time three times a year. No other company would put up with that.

I get carried away writing a lot but my point is that my mental illness/ alcoholism/ addiction has had a profound impact on every area of my life and because of that impact has created a huge amount of stress over the years. I could go on and on about it.

Take away my mental illness and my real self, who I truly am, can handle a great deal of stress no problem. I can multi task and juggle all kinds of things and keep them straight and stay calm. I have nerves of steel. I am a very calm mellow person by nature and things roll off of me like water off a ducks back.

But the reality is I do have mental illness and because of it it has created enormous stress in my life.

Depression caused unemployment/ unemployment benefits ran out/ depression was very long term/ unable to look for a job and no chance of keeping one/ no income/ huge financial stress/ facing homelessness/ effects relationships/ huge burden on family financially and emotionally/ just everything. No unemployment is not a mental illness as someone said I suggested. Mental illness causes unemployment.

Depressed (and I have not mentioned the anxiety and paranoia) 15 of the last 20 months. And I mean severely, suicidal, the whole nine yards. I know this has had an huge impact on me physically as far a being in shape gaining fat, losing muscle. But I wonder how the stress has effected other systems in my body.

I am currently doing very well on my new meds. Better than I have ever done on meds. This is allowing my to pick up the pieces and deal with what I need to deal with without a lot of stress. My life in the future will probably be very different than it has in the past and it is hard to accept and that creates stress. But because the meds are working I am dealing with it all much better than I was able to deal with it the last 18 months. I have been able to keep all my appointments and deal with all the paper work and bureaucracy the last 20 months but it was not easy and created a lot of stress.

So have psyche meds alleviated stress in my life? When they work, your damn right they have.

I am all for making lifestyle changes, making compromises in your career, and simplifying your life to reduce stress. Often it is internal and external circumstances beyond your control that are pulling the strings and making you make decisions that seem to be the best of two evils. That is how it is for many people.

I have been meditating and practicing mindfulness for 20 years and it is very beneficial not just for reducing stress but for many other things. My problem is in my case depression and anxiety seem to always reach their hand in and mess things up.