I don't think it was the smartest thing in the world, it was stupid and impulsive. What I should have done was give a little at a time and not my whole book. Had a very hard time getting to sleep then sleeping was dreadful and woke up hrs before I needed to. No alarm necessary and I get to look forward to this for almost 2weeks.

I know y'all have suggested I call T about this but I really just can't. I don't want to hear her voice. I can't stop imagining her reading this and being like wholy F. Is rather be in a violent fight for my life than this. My nerves are shot and I he to try and call the Pdoc again. I'm just at a loss. I'm sorry I don't listen to y'all very often. I'm extremely stubborn even when I know doing something else can help. I just can't force myself to act. I'm sorry