I started to look for help because I too wanted to go away, but 2 friends would be hurt deeply. So I stay alive. And also, you don't know what might happen on the other side. It might be worse than here so I stay alive. And I just started to reach out in this forum like this because I realize that staying alive is the only choice for now. So far, these few days, I'm think I'm starting to feel better. Maybe writing in forums like this does help. I hope so.