It was not fair of your parent to put you in a situation where you felt like you had to choose sides, as a child that is completely ridiculous. If they still do that to you now then I think it is important that you separate yourself from them emotionally and physically enough to develop healthy boundaries and let them know that you will not put up with it anymore. This is why therapy is so important because they help you work through this guilt that you should have never experienced and help you understand that it is not your job or responsibility to constantly be concerned for others. Like I said before, you can care for them and be kind etc, but it isn't your job to always support them, fix their lives, or let them interfere or make your life harder by adding stress.

As for you dying, have you ever experienced someone dying? Really dying? Not just a distant relative, but someone you have known your entire life, that you loved, yes you may not have the best relationship with them, and I know that it may look like a good option at the moment but you have no idea what that does to people? They don't just move on or get over it. It doesn't go away or one day they will be free. They will never be free. They will always be devastated, always be destroyed. Death may seem like a dream, but have you ever really experienced or lost someone you truly loved? from suicide or anything? You are never free after that.