I'm a teenager. I never have mental diagnosis before, so I don't know what mental problem I have, but I do know that I have mental illness of some kind. At first I thought it was depression, but I think there is more about it.

I have friends and a family. My parents worked hard to support my tuition, and they expected me to have good grades. They didn't have much time to talk with me. So I felt depressed, didn't eat for days, and even have suicidal actions. Then my family started to notice, and started expressing their love for me.

But now, there is something strange happen to me. I don't feel anymore. I just can't. I don't feel happy. I don't feel sad. I don't feel connected to anything except my gaming. My parents fear that playing video games might make the problem worse, so they try to to stop me. That's the only time I feel something. It's anger. I yell at them and make writhing positions to make them stop, and when they cry and beg me to stop, I just stare at them. I don't feel sad, not even a tear, even though I know that I should feel that way and stop. I don't want to do anything. I have no aim. I have no interests in anything except playing game. I don't know why. Maybe because it keeps my mind distracted. Now my parents and even my brother cry all the time because of me, and I can't do anything to change it. I start to think that maybe I should kill someone, so that they will lock me away and my family would never hear from me again, and similar thoughts about disappearing in many different ways. I know it would not help, but I can't stop thinking about it.

I didn't talk to anyone about it, I don't trust anyone. I don't know where to get professional help. So I come here and seek for help Please help me.