If your meds make you feel flat and dead I would try to find another. I won't give up happiness for a more stable life. The only med that made me feel like that was lithium and I jumped ship real fast.

Anyway don't beat yourself up, grandmaof3. Next time, if you ever want to try again, do a slow taper of one med at a time. Then you'll know which ones you need and which you don't, if any.

I'm in the same boat - I stopped my med in March and **** got real pretty fast. Then when I went back on it didn't work. I'm kicking myself because as I was spiraling into psychosis my husband was spiraling into drug addiction. If I hadn't stopped I might have been able to help him sooner. But I did stop and now I can just forgive myself for a poor decision and make sure I don't do it in the future. I can't dwell on something I can't change. And neither can you. Just do something different next time.