Hello,

I am sorry you feel so badly today, but just know that these episodes will pass even though when you exist in them they seem to last for an eternity.

I've been there too, and although I don't know exactly what brought you to the breaking point, I know how badly it hurts. Like a dull aching pain in the chest, where all you want is to feel physical pain to take you away from the mental pain. Just so you can be numb.

It was hard for me to get through too, and even after 5 years of being off self-inflicted harm, I still have residual depression and anxiety that I just can't seem to shake sometimes. Especially like today.

What helps me a lot is writing, keeping a journal of my thoughts even if they make no sense and is just free-form writing. Getting out all that is inside you is better than letting it constantly build up until you breakdown.

Getting a therapist, a free one, would be good for you, it helps to vent to someone who is outside your situation who can at least be a listening ear, or even a guide for you to get past this time in your life. And never, never feel like a burden, as hard as that may sound. It is important that you are alive even if some days it doesn't feel like it.

Take care and remember that you will get through this. *hugs*