Quote:
Originally Posted by Useless Me
I have gone through some pretty awful bouts of depression. I am a cutter. I have had a number of suicide attempts..... and yet - here I sit. I am in all this therapy and they are trying all these different meds on me.
Yet all I feel is like I am messed up.
I do not want to die, but I do not want to live. I need to cut, but I do not see the purpose of it. I hate me and yet I know my kids love me.
This world sucks. I am just too messed up to fix.........
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There is nothing ever broken that can't be fixed, there is nother ever too far gone.
I used to wish I was dead, I used to beg God to take me home I constantly listened to that song by Building429, "Where I belong" hoping that by singing it God would hear me and take me home where I belonged. I would think of my grandchildren and how they would feel if I were to die, but I was good with it, they had my son and their mother, they would be ok.
Then one night I had a dream, it was so vivid, so real. In it I was told by a doctor that I had cancer and I was going to die, panic set in. I was going to die! suddenly I remembered what I had been asking from God and I changed my mind, suddenly I wanted to live, my grandchildren needed me. I am a beliver and I need to be alive so I could be an example to them. My friend just moved to another state and is struggling, she needed my words of encouragment if she was to go on. Suddenly in this dream I wanted to LIVE more that anything, I wanted to be here. Thank God I woke up and realize it was a dream, there is nothing like a bout of reality to set a person straight. Choose life, you have children choose them.