I spent most of my life in a hypomanic state with depression occasionally mixed in - I was a super successful Type A personality and it worked to my advantage (except for excessive spending). Then when I crashed into the blackest depression of my life - taking my life became all I thought about. Now my hypomania is mostly extreme irritation to rage, the racing thoughts and other pieces are mostly controlled by medication. The mixed state is bad for me as well especially because in hypo or mixed I rapid cycle.

I'd rather be in a depressed state which I am now but fear that the black depression will come back. Hopefully my meds keep that at bay.