She did a major mistake (and admitted to it), I got mad and punched a table; got asked to leave. The next appointment she wasn't there.

3 days later I'm told by sms that she does not feel safe enough to meet me in person.

This T has become extremely important to me. It's the first person I trust in 10 years and the first one that genuinely cared about me in the last 20.
So I'm left without any support from one day to the other.

What can I do? I got angry, punched a table and act threateningly. I know. I regret it. I saw the fear on her face, so horrible and wrong; I could never beat anybody.

Wtf can I do besides apologizing. It wasn't even completely my fault, a rapid med switch [valproate -> lamotrigine -> allergy -> no meds -> valproate] had left me way more unstable than usual..

Diagnosis is borderline as you might have guessed.