Okay I really don't like it when women hug me unless I know them and know I am safe.
But men forget it don't touch me and please don't even stand too close. If it happens one does I jump away, panic, run or just stand and shake. Even with me I know. Now I can manage to shake hands but that's about it. Even male doctors are a issue one poor doctor even though he was SO handsome I started crying when I was in the room with him waiting to be checked. They had to have a female nurse come in (my normal doc was gone)
Now recently a older man I have known for a while started to touch me first it was is hand on my shoulder or back and I just grinded my teeth and walked away any kept distance between him. This last time I was in a hallway and he put is arm around my waste I jumped back and hit the wall then got outside when the space opened my friend saw and I told her it upset me. It actually led to a flashback and I sat shaking for a long time alone. My friend mentioned to him and he said he was sorry and I believe he meant it but then said later on he thought I should of hugged him after the talk making me believe he got nothing out of it. I felt bad because I felt I hurt him feelings he IS a good person and I don't really think he would hurt me but it has come to the point I don't really want to be around him. So I feel guilty for hurting his feelings, guilty for feeling I don't want to be around him and anger at myself I am like this.
It also leads to the deeper concern that while I am straight and more then likely asexual I miss the emotional connection with a man and do at times wish I had someone to snuggle up to hold hands and hug my flashbacks and fears are getting in the way. I have no desire to have sex and the thought is both scary and repulsive. I did while married but never enjoyed it and I think it led to a lot of problems and was probably a good part of why he was abusive and killed my animals