Please think good thoughts.

I can't begin to describe to you what my old pdoc means to me still. I had to give up a 9-year relationship with him because I moved out of the area, although I tried to drive back for as long as I could. I just knew that (as has in fact happened) I was going to crash sooner or later and would need a local pdoc.

I moved here in November and was scheduled to see him one last time in December, but received a letter saying he was on an indefinite leave of absence. I sent the gift I had bought for his office and a card expressing my support and well wishes for whatever was going on.

Well, the hospital just forwarded that to him last week, and today I got a thank-you -- and found out what was going on. A patient accused him of sexual assault and it is going to trial in July.

There are not words to express my shock, horror, etc. Never in nearly a decade did he do anything even remotely inappropriate -- in fact, he made a point of keeping a physical, though not emotional, distance. He has seen me through so much trauma, both mental and physical, and he actually took time with me and treated ME, not just the disease. (Last time I saw my current pdoc, from butt-in-chair to front desk with prescription and appointment card in hand: 5 minutes. Swear to god.)

This is a young man we're talking about -- he turned 44 in December. Even if proved innocent, this is going to devastate his career, if he even has one left. He has young daughters, maybe 10 and 12 -- imagine having your dad going through this at those ages.

I went home early from work because all I could do is sit there and cry. I've been useless the entire rest of the day. I stopped on the way home from a blood draw and got a card, but I barely had words to put on it. I feel completely helpless from 4 hours away. I don't know what I can do, if anything will even matter.

This is a good and kind man who has dedicated his life to working almost solely with people who can't pay him (students, the poor and uninsured). I can't believe someone would crush him like this. Please pray for him, if you are so inclined -- and for me, because I have so much crap going on already that I'm not sure I'm going to survive this emotional overload.



Candy