ImNotHere, the person I'm scheduled to see is a psychologist who will be able to prescribe new meds and also provide psychotherapy. As a "new patient" it's hard to get an appointment right away, which doesn't make any sense but that seems to be how it is. Thanks for the encouragement to give it a good try. I'll try to give it a good try.

Writerley, your Mother's Day tradition sounds absolutely soul-crushing. I'm sorry. My mom died when I was 36, although her mental health was shot since I was about 10. The 26 years it took for her to gradually and completely self-destruct of course had a huge impact on me, and now with my own health problems (chronic pain, migraines, depression) I worry that I'll do to my kids what she did to me - slowly waste away in front of them. It is a lonely place to be, and I feel scared in being able to identify with my mom in that regard. She was depressed and isolated herself and I find myself going in that direction too. I need to find a way to deal with my physical and mental pain so that I can be a mom whose legacy is strong, happy children. Easier said than done...hard not to feel as though self-destructing is a destiny that I can't escape. It is a lonely process and I'm glad I've found this site where even if people haven't had the same life experiences, they still really understand how I feel in this dark place.