He's a very good man.

With the back pain, he never told me, but after a while I started noticing things like a wince or a little groan, or not being able to straighten up after bending over. Finally he told me his back hurts him a lot. He just doesn't mention it. I told him he should. I can at least get him some ibuprofen and a heating pad, or he can go soak in a tub instead of watching a movie with me, or I can even give him a back rub. At the very least, I wouldn't ask something of him if I know he's hurting.

And now he tells me it's the same with the depression. He's been depressed before, but doesn't tell me. With that alexithymia he most likely has, it's very hard for me to read him. He's like Clint Eastwood, or Keanu Reeves, or Kristen Stewart, or any other actor who's often accused of having only one facial expression. He also usually has only one tone of voice, which is why it came through loud and clear last night when his usual "sound" was so different. And if his body language is hard to read, his vocabulary is nonexistent. He cannot communicate any emotion verbally. The conversation usually goes like this:

"How did you feel when your ex-wife did that?"
"I told her not to do it again."
"Well, were you sad, annoyed, or what?"
*shrug* "I just told her not to do it again."

"How would you feel if I fell down a flight of stairs and broke my leg?"
"I'd get you to the hospital."

He always replaces "feeling" with "doing," and he cannot comprehend that he's not actually answering the question that was asked. We used to have a lot of these conversations, until it became obvious that it isn't going to change. For him, it isn't merely learning a foreign language. It's more like a snake trying to knit a sweater. The snake doesn't have the concept. Or the necessary appendages.