Hang in there. I know how you feel about the drinking - seems like a great way to deaden the suffering while you wait for therapy, meds, activities, etc. to really provide long-term relief. It's soooo easy to do counter-productive things when you're depressed. I'm a pro at it. Hang in there, keep hanging out with the cats (I have dogs who provide pet therapy for me and it really does help!) and checking in on here. I'm glad you are keeping the ER in mind if you feel like you get to that point. If you had a life-threatening heart condition you wouldn't think twice about going to the ER so it should be the same with life-threatening depression.