Yes, yes, yes -- me too. My feelings -- I need them, but I can't stand them. I so want the pain to go away. I want to stop seeing "them" in everyone else. I am afraid of my feelings. It is only when I let the grief really flow out, feeling the burning of the tears on my cheeks (no thanks for a tissue, I HAVE TO feel the tears to feel ALIVE!) -- that is when I am greatful to have feelings, greatful to have survived. Then I hug my children and know that the effort to survive and find wholeness is worth each little step in that direction, as hard as it is.

It took me about 20 years to cry -- to be so afraid even to cry for that long. The child I was and the child within today, deserved so much better.

Thank you for sharing, radio_flyer.

be well,

mtd