702,

I hear your struggle, and I'm 44 now married and with two mostly grown kids (oldest graduating from University in 1 month). I've been bisexual, leaning towards gay most of my life. My wife knew about my past when we met. I've never hidden it. I've even asked for the strap on but haven't been able to enjoy that with my wife.

My view is that as long as kids are involved, they need to come first. However you and your wife arrange things, they should be priority. If your wife is understanding, she may allow you freedom to be who you are, while maintaining a family structure. But you have to be honest with her, as honesty with disappointment is much better than deceit with animosity.

I can't say that my way works for anyone, since even I feel trapped sometimes and just want to go find a guy to have mad sex with. But the reality is my life is fuller with my marriage and family in it than it would be having a regular homosexual sex life.