Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
I'm troubled by these two statements:
So I acted to intimidate her, with a display of force. I punched a table to say - "I will not be bullied". Mistakes I can forgive but I want accountability and a proper apology..
and
Yes indeed, and regardless of what led to that event and any circumstances I should not have acted as I did.
Losing something so valuable as a consequence. I'll make it a learning experience.
The first sounds as though this wasn't really an outburst, but a decided action. You didn't get the response you believed you deserved, so you sought to punish your T--teach her a lesson. And the second reframes the episode as regrettable because of the loss to you of a relationship of value. Neither statement reflects any sense of empathy.
I think it's understandable that people have strong reactions to this intimidation through anger behavior. Many of us were subjected to it as children. Perhaps you were as well.
Did you specifically choose a female T? You might do better to choose a male going forward.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
It is very important here to consider whether the banging was a spontaneous expression of anger or a calculated attempt to intimidate, a show of force. A show of force "showcases oine's own capabilities and will to act if provoked." (Wikipedia). It is one thing to expect a T to deal with a client's anger; it is quite different to ask a T to accept calculated suggestions of violence to her person.
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You raise a valid point.
I tried to control myself but couldn't and also it was intimidation.
I saw no other way. She had been unjust. She admitted the mistake "I have been blind, sorry we didn't understand each other, etc." but somehow it wasn't enough for me. I felt I deserved a bigger apology.
I was damaged and felt powerless in an unjust situation and defenceless. I displayed my "will to act if provoked" to make a point: you don't get to screw up and harm me.
I used this method reluctantly but thought it was necessary.
Clearly the consequences were undesirable for me and her alike.
Please suggest alternative ways, I would like to learn.