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PreciousPiglets · May 10, 2014, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RuhmaRose

Heyyy there I'm new to Psych Central and I've never used a forum before o_o so...yep. Hi everybody ^________^

How do you experience dissociation and paranoia? I'm supposing it's different for every Borderline patient.

For me, when I dissociate it's sometimes completely random but usually when I look at a person (especially myself in the mirror) for a few moments. Suddenly everything looks off..it's like you're in a totally different state of mind. I try to bring myself back by focussing on the details of whatever it is...like the facial features but that usually makes it seem/look weirder. Sometimes it's feeling disconnected to my body, like when I'm writing and looking at my hand I suddenly feel like I'm not controlling it. It's very scary and I always thought it was something that happened to everyone.

Paranoia......
Whenever I hear laughter I always think that people are laughing at me. When someone looks at me I always feel that they're giving me a menacing/judgemental look or are giving me dirts. When people talk to me I over assess the things they say, their tone when they're speaking, body language and I always come to the conclusion that they were being hostile.

On the more extreme end, I sometimes have had thoughts that my family were plotting against me, planning to do something horrible to me whenever I was away from them or in my room asleep. Nowadays I always feel like I'm being watched by my family. Sometimes I have a little check around in my room after school - in corners or in the cupboard/wardrobe/shelves in case my mum put a camera there and was filming me or maybe they bought bugs and bugged my room. It's a possibility and that's why my mind can't rule it out! It's never been an issue - just a quick check and I feel some relief. However, I now know none of these things are normal.

Wow, this is exactly like me! I figured this was somewhat normal, especially the paranoia part, but once I started going to a therapist, I realized it's just part of my BPD symptoms. I never knew much about dissociation until I really blanked out during driving, so I went online and learned more about it. Now I realize I do it all the time. It's crazy!