It's a fact of this modern life, and I'm stuck with it, and because I feel the way I feel I guess. I'm a problem a disease that's all I ever was even if I made a million dollars and became rich and famous or succeeded to the top. I'm treated nothing more than a problem because I'm a male now identified as a female. I'm assumed some guy who can't get a girl because he's too sensitive. Not at all close, I not sexually attracted to men, and I welcome all sexual orientation friends, but I can't stand ignorance from anyone. I don't care who you are, I know ignorance and negative bigots when I see them. I don't date women, I'm not shy I'm extroverted as you get, but I can never date a "cisgendered" woman usually, because they want some big strong tough and stable provider in their mind, but it's just in their mind.
Most women get it from dating guys sexually and emotionally some get it through superficiality or money whatever floats their boat, but me o hellll no! I can't get any respect or love from women, I'm a freak or a weak man. I don't hate all women, but I hate men and women who feel the way I feel is weak or not good enough.
I'm not only a woman, but if I was born a woman I would be a lesbian, but now. I don't want love I don't deserve it, because this societal bull **** that people believe that. I gotta be what they shape me to be. I got that crap from my parents, my sister, my immediate family and friends even my closest ones.
I finally came out of the closet worst thing I've done, but I won't call it a mistake, because I'm not a mistake I'm me. I love women, I am one, it makes me so so mad how a lot of girls get all this attention from guys and girls not really guys I don't care bout that, but girls that they are the best thing over Jesus for what they say because they are pretty and their female, but if I said anything like that.
I'd be treated like you got issues, what's your problem. You shouldn't share anything like that. That's not normal from females. I hate this planet and I don't care for anyone who wants me to be who they want me to be. I would rather die by any form of death than go through submitting a miserable self hating/defeating lifestyle trying to prove to a woman I can be a man, but still constantly feel the sting in my heart and my body you're nothing, but a liar a fake and she won't love you because you're not the man she wants you to be.
Why I won't go up to women, because of this body why I won't talk bout my feelings to many people because of this body. I'm forced to deal with.
I know women go through a lot of **** in general for being women, but I get the most directed from women, because they are telling me to be grateful and it's not that great and just be a guy I like you like that. I will never ever, love or open up, because I'm not a human I'm some sexual object to be some hunk. I don't want to look like this I don't want to be this guy who does look good. I don't want it, I don't want this body, because it will only be loveless full of sex addicting codependent relationships. If I can't get the body I deserve or the women I deserve.
The last thing is being poly, I know enough and more than most bout it, I couldn't do mono relationships it doesn't feel fulfilling and I never cheated, but I don't want to damage my partner because they don't share this as much as I do. People tell me because the way I think I'll be a miserable person, because no one thinks like this. You won't believe this is what I get 24/7 I'm 20 years old male. I'm not insecure about my body as in how it looks, but more of what I'm labeled in the umbrella with.
I never want to love a woman who wants this guy like this this and that. I have to be all for her and just because I look like how she wants that's all. No that's called being a toy, she should go buy a dildo if that's what she wants. All I've ever wanted to be in an open fidelitious polly triad all female before and after surgery. I won't get the surgery until I feel accepted for my decisions, because that would be more than foolish and in the longevity it won't help me in life unfortunately. It's the thing I hate accepting, but I'm dealing with it barely.
Thanks for reading