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Originally Posted by ListenMoreTalkLess
Definitely agree 100%. Everybody gets to decide for themselves where their line is for what they will tolerate and what they will not. Especially for professionals. It is easy to say that someone else should toughen up and allow others to treat them in ways that are harmful to them.
There are many behaviors related to therapy that one could use the toughen up line for. We could tell people that self harm, especially in reactions to what happens in therapy, that they should just toughen up rather than self harm. When clients express fears in therapy, we should just tell them to toughen up. I have read once or twice that people are even afraid of their therapists coming closer to them or trying to touch them, they should just toughen up as well. We could probably dispense with many issues people bring up here by just telling people to toughen up.
Telling people to toughen up in response to what makes them fearful or upset is terrible advice in any situation. It's essential to being human that everyone gets to choose when to get out and when to stay in, when to be tough and when to be soft. Finding what works for you is the key.
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I guess I simply disagree with this, it is not the same as in every ordinary life, it is a professional setting and park of the job description of being a therapist to people with BPD is that you will most likely be exposed to raw anger.
Would I ask a random person on the street to toughen up and be able to look at bloody wounds? No, but if you choose to be a doctor you better be ready to get over your queasiness.
No one is asked to go beyond their comfort zone, but you know what you get into when you choose your clientele and I don't think that makes it right to abandon a client when something that is part of the job description happens. All therapists are free too choose who they treat, she wasn't forced to treat someone with BPD.
A lot of people with BPD have abandonment issues, it's one of the diagnostic criteria. That makes it all so much worse.
Given these circumstances I feel quite comfortable judging the now ex therapist as incompetent and unethical. I hope she has learned something about her limitations and will choose her clientele more wisely in the future considering that abandoning your patients is harmful and unethical.