My depression has been getting worse and worse. I can't sleep properly and I have panic attacks. Just being alive feels like a struggle. I feel terrible about myself.

One of my worst fears was that my boyfriend would feel like he's carrying the whole load financially and he told me he does. Before we moved together I had a job and 3 internships and school and then I quit the job due to depression and I moved in with him sooner than I was expecting to get out of a situation of sexual abuse.

Now I can't work and I can't function and I don't qualify for disability. He says I'm not the person I was when we started dating and I know he's right and it hurts and I feel terrible about it. I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I could get my crap together and keep a job and make something of myself.

I'm scared. I'm scared of my future and of my life and I don't know what to do. I'm disgusted with myself.