Hi october, first of all do not be disgusted with yourself at all!! I do know that that must seem so much easier said than done and even though you shouldn't be the feelings can still be there, can still be hard to push away. But you've been through/still trying to cope with enough.......the abuse.......the depression.......now you haven't chosen any of that........you aren't to blame for any of that. And you so don't deserve disgust, you deserve empathy, you deserve understanding, you deserve support, you deserve help.........but one thing you don't deserve is disgust.
And of course with everything gone on/going on for you you're not acting like the same person as before, it can take time and real support to work through things like that and "come out the other end". If your boyfriend isn't "getting that" then maybe you could talk to him a bit more about the way things are for you or encourage him to look further himself into the effects of abuse and depression??
And perhaps talk to him about the way he's feeling too?? Afterall the financial part of it may not be his biggest concern, it might well be as much the fact that you're suffering (and he doesn't know what to do about it/for you) and if you two can pull together on this then maybe you'll both be able to break down some barriers.
And yes, it can be possible to turn things around, for the future to be different with time, with help/support. So could you take a look at what else might be available where you are e.g therapy, group therapy, support groups? Maybe your doctor would be a good starting point who could also maybe help (more?) with the depression.
And of course you'll find on-line support including us!!
Alison